How to Ask Your Spouse for a Divorce

Saying “I want a divorce” is never easy. It may be one of the hardest conversations you will ever have. You may worry about how your spouse will react and how the decision could affect your children, family, and overall well-being. Keeping those feelings to yourself often adds to the stress.

Delaying the conversation does not stop the process. It can create more tension once divorce proceedings begin. Speaking with a Virginia family law attorney early on can help you understand your rights and prepare for what comes next.

At Montagna Law, we understand that divorce affects both your emotions and your future. Our family law attorney will guide you through each step of the legal process so you can focus on rebuilding your life with confidence.

How to Prepare Yourself for a Talk About Divorce

Preparing for the divorce conversation can help you feel calmer and more confident. Take time to think carefully about whether divorce is truly what you want and whether you have explored emotional or counseling support beforehand.

Writing your thoughts in a journal, practicing “I” statements with a trusted friend, or speaking with a counselor can help you find the right words and stay focused. Thinking ahead about your spouse’s reactions can also help you remain composed and communicate your decision clearly.

Why It Helps to Speak With a Lawyer Before Starting the Divorce Conversation

Before telling your spouse that you want a divorce, it can be helpful to understand your legal rights and options. Talking with an attorney first gives you a clearer picture of what to expect and how to protect yourself, especially when finances, property, or children are involved.

A family law attorney can:

• Explain Virginia’s divorce requirements and timelines.
• Help you prepare documents or financial information.
• Advise you on what to avoid saying or doing that could affect your case.
• Outline next steps so you feel more confident and informed.

How to Talk About the Topic of Divorce With Your Spouse

There is no perfect time to ask for a divorce, but preparation can make this difficult conversation more thoughtful and less stressful. Approaching it with empathy and respect helps both of you move forward with clarity.

Choose the Right Time and Place

Select a private and calm setting where you can talk openly without interruptions. Avoid public places or times of high stress. A peaceful environment helps keep emotions steady.

Plan What You Want to Say

Consider what you want to communicate before beginning the conversation. Writing down key points or practicing “I” statements, such as “I want a divorce,” can help you stay calm and clear.

Keep the Conversation Calm and Respectful

Speak slowly and respectfully, even if emotions run high. Giving your spouse space to think and respond helps reduce conflict and allows both of you to focus on the decision itself.

Be Honest but Gentle

Be truthful about your feelings without placing blame. Using “I” statements, such as “I feel our marriage isn’t working,” communicates honesty while keeping the discussion compassionate.

Avoid Blame and Focus on Your Feelings

Blaming your spouse can lead to arguments. Focusing on your own feelings keeps the discussion constructive and centered on your decision rather than past mistakes.

Listen to Your Spouse’s Response

Your spouse may react with surprise, anger, or sadness. Listening patiently shows respect and helps keep the conversation balanced, even when you disagree.

Set Boundaries for the Discussion

Keep the first conversation focused on your decision, not on financial or custody issues. If emotions rise, agree to pause and revisit the topic later when you are both calm.

Avoid Discussing Legal Details Right Away

The first discussion should not include topics such as dividing assets or support. Save legal and financial matters for later conversations with your family law attorney.

Helping Your Children Cope With Divorce

Explaining divorce to your children is never easy. You may worry about saying the wrong thing or how they will react. With patience, honesty, and preparation, you can help them feel secure through this transition.

Plan the Conversation Together

If possible, both parents should speak with their children at the same time. Presenting a united front helps them feel supported and reduces confusion. Families across Hampton Roads often find this approach reassuring because it shows that both parents remain committed to their care.

Speak Honestly but Gently

Use simple language and share only what your children can understand. Avoid blame and focus on reassurance. Let them know that both parents will stay involved and that the divorce is not their fault.

Reassure Them Emotionally

Children may fear losing stability or routine. Reassure them that their daily lives will stay as consistent as possible. Encourage them to express feelings of sadness, anger, or confusion, and remind them that it is okay to talk about those emotions.

Maintain Routine and Consistency

Keeping familiar routines helps children adjust. Regular schedules for school, meals, and activities create a sense of comfort and predictability during this time of change.

Offer Support and Understanding

If your children struggle to process the news, consider reaching out to trusted relatives, teachers, or counselors for extra support. Creating a safe space for open communication helps your family move forward more smoothly.

At Montagna Law, our family law attorney understands the emotional challenges that come with divorce and parenting transitions. We provide legal guidance and compassionate support to help you protect your family’s stability while planning for the future.

Talking to Friends and Family About Your Divorce

Sharing news of a divorce can be difficult, especially with loved ones who may have strong opinions or emotional reactions. Planning ahead helps you stay in control of what you share and how you share it.

• Tell close family members or trusted friends first, in private settings where you can speak openly.
• Be clear and brief when explaining your decision. Avoid unnecessary details about disagreements or personal issues.
• Expect mixed reactions and allow others time to process the news.
• Avoid making announcements on social media until the legal process is complete.

Protecting Your Emotional Health During Divorce

Divorce can affect more than just your finances and family arrangements — it can take a toll on your emotional well-being. Recognizing and addressing stress early can help you stay balanced as you navigate the process.

• Take time for rest, exercise, and healthy routines.
• Talk openly with trusted friends or a counselor about how you are feeling.
• Focus on what you can control, such as communication and planning for the future.
• Avoid making major decisions when emotions are high.

If you live in Norfolk, Virginia Beach, Chesapeake, Suffolk, Portsmouth, or Newport News, having the right support can make a meaningful difference. Montagna Law’s family law attorney helps clients manage both the legal and personal aspects of divorce with steady guidance, clear communication, and compassion every step of the way.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries during the divorce process helps minimize conflict and protect your peace of mind. Consider these key steps to keep communication and expectations balanced:

• Decide how and when you will communicate with your spouse.
• Limit discussions to necessary topics related to the divorce.
• Avoid posting about the divorce or your spouse on social media.
• Keep financial and parenting matters separate from emotional conversations.
• Set clear expectations early to reduce stress and prevent misunderstandings.

If you are unsure how to balance communication and legal obligations, Montagna Law’s family law attorney can guide you. We help clients throughout Hampton Roads maintain healthy boundaries and stay focused on the legal steps that matter most.

Working With Your Spouse After the Divorce Conversation

Once you and your spouse have agreed to move forward, focus on cooperation and respectful communication. Keeping discussions calm and goal-oriented can help reduce conflict and set the stage for a smoother process.

You can begin talking about practical matters such as living arrangements and parenting schedules, but avoid making major decisions without first understanding your legal rights.

Montagna Law’s family law attorney works with clients throughout Hampton Roads to help them approach these next steps thoughtfully. Whether you need help drafting custody agreements, understanding property division, or preparing for court, our attorney provides the legal guidance and steady support needed to move forward confidently.

Co-Parenting With Respect After Separation

Sharing parental responsibilities after separation can be one of the most sensitive parts of divorce. Working together, even when emotions are high, helps your children feel secure and supported.

• Keep communication focused on your children’s needs rather than past conflicts.
• Develop a consistent parenting schedule that prioritizes stability and routine.
• Stay flexible when changes arise, especially around school or activities.
• Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your children.

Montagna Law’s family law attorney assists clients in creating parenting plans that reflect Virginia’s custody laws while protecting both the child’s well-being and your parental rights.

What to Do If Your Spouse Doesn’t Agree to the Divorce in Virginia

In Virginia, your spouse cannot stop a no-fault divorce. Disagreement may delay the process, but it does not prevent it from moving forward. If your spouse refuses to cooperate, the court can still grant the divorce once you meet the legal requirements for separation.

Remaining calm and following the proper legal steps can help you avoid unnecessary conflict.

Montagna Law’s family law attorney works with clients across Hampton Roads to explain their options and manage contested situations with professionalism and care. We help you understand your rights, gather the required documentation, and move your case forward, even if your spouse is uncooperative.

Frequently Asked Questions

What Type of Divorce Can I File in Virginia?

Virginia allows both no-fault and fault-based divorces. A no-fault divorce requires a period of separation of one year for most couples, or six months if there are no children and a signed separation agreement. Fault-based divorces involve grounds such as adultery, cruelty, or desertion. A family law attorney can help you determine which applies to your situation.

How Long Does the Divorce Process Take?

The timeline depends on your circumstances. Uncontested divorces, where both spouses agree on all issues, can move more quickly than contested ones. Factors like property division, child custody, and cooperation between spouses often affect how long the process takes.

Do I Have to Go to Court for a Divorce in Virginia?

Not always. In many uncontested cases, divorce papers can be submitted to the court without a formal hearing. If disagreements arise, a judge may need to review and decide certain issues. Your attorney can explain which option fits your case.

What Happens to Property During Divorce?

Virginia follows equitable distribution laws, meaning marital property is divided fairly, not necessarily equally. The court considers factors such as the length of the marriage, contributions by each spouse, and financial circumstances. A family law attorney can help you understand your rights and prepare documentation.

How Is Child Support Determined in Virginia?

Child support is calculated under Virginia’s state guidelines, which consider income, custody arrangements, and the child’s needs. The guidelines aim to have both parents contribute to the child’s well-being.

Can I Change Custody or Support Orders Later?

Yes. Either parent may request a modification if there has been a significant change in circumstances, such as a job loss, relocation, or change in the child’s needs. A lawyer can help you file the necessary documents and present your case to the court.

Why Work With Montagna Law During the Divorce Process

For decades, Montagna Law has helped individuals and families in Virginia navigate the divorce process with compassion and clarity. Our divorce lawyer understands that every situation is personal and often deeply emotional.

When you work with our law firm, you receive steady guidance, honest communication, and dedicated representation focused on protecting your rights and helping you move forward. Whether you need support with custody, property division, or spousal support, you will have an attorney who listens, explains your options, and stands by you through each step.

Hear What Our Clients Have to Say About Our Lawyers

“Sam Bull is so amazing! She never once seemed like she didn’t know what she was doing. She was always confident. She guided me through an almost two long sticky court battle and gave me the best outcome that I didn’t even think I’d be able to get! She was almost always quick to reply. I absolutely love her and her office! Stacy was always warm and welcoming in person and in email/phone if I had a question and needed her immediate response! The entire team is just awesome there! Amenia worked hard and helped me understand what I needed to know throughout the process as well. It’s always so nice to see them all when I walk through the door. The receptionist even is so welcoming and sweet. My 4 year old loves going to say hi to her!” — Christal G.

“Mr.Montagna was an absolute pleasure on the phone and in person! My friend recommended me to him and I couldn’t have been happier with my decision! Grace was also such a delight to hear from, she always had the best attitude! Mr. Montagna went above and beyond to make sure I would be treated fairly and with that being said if I could give him and Grace 10 stars, I would! Thank you to Montagna law for helping me feel valued!” — Anita C.

Know Your Options Before You Begin the Divorce Conversation

Preparing for divorce is never simple, but you do not have to handle it alone. Talking with an experienced divorce attorney early can help you understand your rights, protect your interests, and plan the next steps with confidence.

At Montagna Law, we guide clients throughout Norfolk, Virginia Beach, Chesapeake, Suffolk, Portsmouth, and Newport News through every stage of the divorce process. Our attorney listens, explains your options under Virginia law, and provides steady support from the first conversation to the final resolution.

Call 757-622-8100 or complete our secure online contact form to schedule a consultation tailored to your situation.