How to Approach Telling Your Children About a Divorce

Divorce is one of the most difficult times a family can experience, and sharing the news with your children can feel especially challenging. While you may be managing your uncertainty, you are also responsible for helping your children understand a situation they did not choose.

Many parents worry about how to approach this conversation, when to have it, what to say, and how to protect their children’s emotional well-being. These concerns are natural, and it is possible to move forward with care and clarity.

At Montagna Law, we know that navigating divorce involves more than legal paperwork. It affects the entire family. This guide offers practical, age-appropriate ways to talk to your children about divorce with honesty and compassion.

When to Tell Your Children About Divorce

Telling children about a divorce requires careful timing. Wait until the decision is final but before major changes like moving occur. This helps reduce anxiety while giving children time to process and adjust.

When possible, both parents should tell the children together as a united front. This reinforces that even though the marriage is ending, both parents still support the child as a team. Choose a quiet time, such as a weekend morning, when everyone is calm and available to talk.

Avoid sharing the news during:

• Holidays or birthdays,
• School exam periods,
• Other major life changes,
• Right before bedtime, or
• Times when either parent is highly emotional.

Choose a private space where children feel safe. They may need multiple conversations to understand and accept what’s ahead.

How to Talk to Children About Divorce

Talking to children about divorce can be challenging, but thoughtful preparation and honest communication can help ease their worries and support them through the transition.

1. Do It Together

If possible, both parents should talk to their children together. This promotes stability and teamwork. Agree on what to say – and what not to say – beforehand.

2. Choose the Right Time and Place

Pick a calm, quiet setting with enough time for conversation and questions. Avoid stressful or busy periods.

3. Use Age-Appropriate Language

Tailor your explanation to each child’s developmental level. Keep it simple for little children and more detailed for older children.

4. Avoid Blaming

Stay neutral and avoid criticizing the other parent. This helps reduce guilt and stress.

5. Tell Them What Will Change

Be ready for questions about practical matters, such as living arrangements, pickup times, or holiday plans.

6. Reassure Them

Remind your children that both parents love them and that the divorce is not their fault.

How Children React to Divorce and What to Do

Children may react to their parents’ divorce in different ways depending on their age.

Young children may show signs such as:

• Reverting to earlier behaviors (e.g., bedwetting, clinginess),
• Sleep disturbances, and/or
• Separation anxiety.

Older children may:

• Act out at school,
• Withdraw from family interactions,
• Experience mood swings, and/or
• Take sides with one parent.

Listen without interrupting or dismissing their emotions. Avoid phrases like “everything will be fine.” Instead, validate their feelings: “It’s okay to feel sad or confused.”

Keep daily routines – such as mealtimes, bedtimes, and extracurricular activities – consistent to help create a sense of stability.

Never ask children to:

• Choose between parents,
• Deliver messages to the other parent,
• Keep secrets from the other parent, or
• Listen to adult concerns.

If distress continues, such as falling grades, aggression, or prolonged sadness, consult a licensed counselor with experience in family transitions.

Age-by-Age Appropriate Ways to Talk to Children About Divorce

Talking to children about divorce in an age-appropriate way is essential to help them understand and cope with the changes.

Preschoolers (Ages 2–5)

Use short, clear sentences and focus on routine: “Mom and Dad will live in different houses, but we will both take care of you.” Keep answers simple and centered around daily life.

Early Elementary (Ages 6–8)

Reassure them that the divorce is not their fault. Use direct, supportive language: “Sometimes grown-ups decide they cannot live together anymore, but we both still love you.” Avoid adult-level explanations.

Tweens (Ages 9–12)

Provide honest but measured context. Invite questions and listen without judgment. Let them express their feelings without asking them to take sides or handle responsibilities.

Teenagers (Ages 13+)

Talk with openness and respect. Be ready for questions about practical matters, such as living arrangements or holiday plans. Stay available while giving them space to process. Avoid oversharing adult details.

What Not to Tell Children During Divorce

Keep adult matters such as legal proceedings, finances, and relationship details between parents. Avoid sharing:

• Reasons for the divorce,
• Who is “at fault,”
• Details about court proceedings,
• Financial difficulties, and
• Dating or new relationships.

Do not use children as messengers between households. Avoid asking them to:

• Pass information to the other parent,
• Report on the other parent,
• Make scheduling decisions, or
• Choose where to live.

Focus conversations on stability. Don’t blame or badmouth the other parent. Skip phrases like:

• “Your mom/dad left us.”
• “We cannot afford things because of the divorce.”
• “I am so lonely without you.”
• “Life would be better if we stayed together.”

Keep communication grounded in reassurance and emotional safety. Maintain boundaries around adult issues in front of your children while staying open to their daily concerns.

How to Help Your Child Cope With Divorce

Life post-divorce can be difficult for the whole family, especially children. Supporting your child through this time with patience, consistency, and healthy ways to express emotions is essential.

Respect Their Feelings

Divorced parents should let their child know it is normal to feel sad, angry, or confused and provide space for healthy expression. Some children of divorce process their feelings through:

• Drawing or coloring,
• Writing in a journal,
• Playing,
• Talking during walks or car rides, or
• Creating music or art.

Children may also look to extended family, like grandparents or aunts and uncles, for emotional support and reassurance.

Provide Stability and Routine

Keep daily schedules consistent to help children feel a sense of normalcy. Maintain routines such as:

• Regular mealtimes,
• Bedtime rituals,
• After-school activities, and
• Family traditions.

Seek Professional Help, if Needed

Look for warning signs that your child may need additional support:

• Trouble sleeping,
• Appetite changes,
• Declining grades,
• Angry outbursts,
• Long-term sadness, and/or
• Withdrawing from friends or family.

A licensed family counselor or child therapist can also help parents and family members develop tools to support the child’s emotional well-being.

Why Work With Montagna Law

At Montagna Law, we understand how difficult it can be to talk to your children about divorce. Our family law attorney provides thoughtful, practical guidance to help you create a stable and supportive environment for your children during this transition.

We work closely with parents to develop clear communication strategies that reflect each child’s emotional and developmental needs. Whether you’re managing co-parenting schedules, custody arrangements, or shifting family routines, we help you keep your children’s well-being at the center of every decision.

Our team also supports healthy co-parenting dynamics by helping parents establish routines, boundaries, and communication plans that reduce conflict and promote long-term cooperation. These tools encourage emotional security for your children and lay the foundation for stronger problem-solving skills between households.

We focus on reducing stress, preserving structure, and protecting your children’s emotional health. Every step we take is grounded in the belief that children deserve consistency, care, and a family dynamic that supports their growth, even after divorce.

Our Client Testimonials

“My experience from beginning to end was extremely smooth. From the sweet voice of Grace to the firm handshake from John, all made me feel secure in knowing that I made the best choice of hiring Montagna Law to represent me. You will not regret their service.” — Constance H.

“I know one thing whenever I need it them y’all was always there I could always call and it wouldn’t be long to get an answer I thank you very much your whole staff and all have a blessed New Year thank you” — Bobby S.

Navigate Divorce With Montagna Law

Talking to your children about divorce is never easy, but you do not have to go through it alone. With thoughtful legal guidance, you can protect your child’s emotional well-being while preparing for the next chapter in your family’s life.

At Montagna Law, our family law attorney helps parents build communication strategies, develop custody arrangements, and maintain consistency across households. We also help connect you with counseling and support resources if needed.

If you are preparing to talk to your children about divorce, we can provide the legal structure and insight to move forward with confidence and care. Call us today at 757-622-8100 or fill out our online contact form to schedule a consultation and learn more about how we can support your family through this transition.